Guess who's back?

Right well ok I'll admit I've been gone some while now, and in truth it hasn't been the easiest six months in the world. To recap I've moved city, had 2 jobs and now started in a 3rd that I'm actually enjoying (tho Job 2 was also a lot of fun, albeit only a temp assignment). I've had extreme highs and some dreadful lows and still feel a little numb from it all if I'm honest. But Liverpool is a lively place, and the people are full of character. Best of all I get to share living space with my lovely lady, and although it's not a permanent bed of roses it's happy and secure. So I figured I'd get my blog back on track. Not expecting anyone to notice or be tuning in especially but it's nice to have the outlet. And I'm pleased to see me, if nobody else!

Poem: Unreasonable

When the distance gets too much
I get resentful
Of your friends
Your work
Your life
Of the people who pass you in the street
Anyone who sees you when I obviously can’t
I know it’s unreasonable
And
I know the gap is closing
(I’ll be there soon enough)
But it doesn’t feel fair
How when they see you so often
Are you making time for anyone
When it’s been weeks since I last kissed you
How can you need to see them
When you haven’t made time
For me?

Poem: Fall Out

Here we go again
You pretend to hate me
I pretend to care
Your vitriolic prose
Is almost visible
And
I’m not sure why
I’m still standing here
Listening

Our audience scatters
Struck dumb by the atmosphere
And I’m caught in the gap
Between disgust
And defiance

Poem: Cooling Off

Do you know what you’re suggesting
Have you any idea
When it’s minus 10 degrees outside
And 28 in here

I’m all for spontaneity
The buzz, the rush, the thrill
But darling there are parts of me
I do not wish to chill

I know you’re an adventurer
I couldn’t ask for more
But can’t we go in the kitchen
I’ll open the freezer door

Poem: Gut Instinct

You’re touching me like
You should know better
I can feel the tension in your fingers
And your breaths are shallow
Like you daren’t inhale

Not that long ago
You would’ve paid to drink me in
To almost cradle me within you
And now you’re holding something back
It’s almost sinister

I could put you on the spot
Plead explanation
And abandon - an
Amnesty of all things I don’t want to know

But tho it’s tentative it’s tender
Maybe guilty but some recompense
I’ll give you til the morning
Then I’m gone

Poem: Eye of the Beholder

I wish I looked like someone else
Not me not now not of this skin
If not then let me disappear
See only outside whats within

I am afraid of what you see
That I am judged at first on sight
I dont purport to offer much
My face wont set the world alight

Its getting worse as years fly past
Im more perceptive to a glance
An eyebrow raised, the faintest smile
I know when I dont stand a chance

I cannot change the way Im made
Tho lack of beautys surface bound
Ive much to offer from beneath
So much to give, to share around

I wish I looked like someone else
But looks alone are not enough
At least I have been blessed within
I know myself and I know love

Don't Badger Me!

I was told this evening that I "really remind" 2 of my friends of Ruth Badger, who recently featured on the Alan Sugar executive showcase "The Apprentice".

I am at a loss to find the words to express my feelings about this. All I can say is google her, and tell me what YOU think!

The beginning of the end of the chapter

So I handed in my notice today. Ooer. I officially leave my current employ on Friday 30th June. Which leaves me somewhat in the hands of the Almighty as I don't yet have another job to go to. Mind you, I've registered with a few recruitment agencies and I'll pretty much do anything (except sell my body and that's only cos there's too much of it lol) to make cash. I'm holding out hope. It's a leap of faith, but a very necessary one. I met H a full 3 years ago next month and it's time we shared each others lives on a daily basis. I'm really rather excited!!

New friends, old friends

Went out in Manchester on Saturday night with J and lovely new friend C met us for the evening. It was really nice, the kind of evening I always enjoy - nothing too loud just girls sat around drinking (non-alcoholic in my case) and laughing. Ah the wonders of good company. Mind you, it was even more amusing as J couldn't speak properly. How the mighty did fall.. men in kilts became men in quilts, cash points became cash treats and songs became houses. Tremendous.

The thing about blogs

I've discussed the fact that I have a blog with a number of people recently. Each time I feel I must point out that this isn't written for the benefit of others, but is a way of getting things out of my head and putting them somewhere very much detached from my person. That said, it's quite nice when people comment unexpectedly. I can't tell you how much it helps me having somewhere to empty my head to.

I read a definition of a blog recently that said it reflects ones personality. People who read this blog without having met me will think I'm quite miserable on that basis! I come across as quite serious, but in real life i don't think I'm all that serious at all, except where necessary and certainly not with people who I'm not properly close to.

This blog is not entertaining as such, it just is what it is. I'm very grateful that I have other friends who are able to express themselves with more humour online than I!!